A trip to Bacolod with Joey, Vic2 and Liam last weekend took me on a whole different trip than the one I was expecting. Granted the usual speed bumps got in the way. I'm a realist, my mom and I never had the ideal relationship. But its a relationship I am willing to work on, despite the drama, frustration and immaturity (on her part). God has called me to a tougher road. We can never have everything. This is where I guess He sees me needing to grow more.
Going on a trip for the first time with Dani and my brother's family was enough reason for me to go and be assured that things wont get too intense. I won't deprive Dani from my mother. I refuse to let the generational curse take its course.
I haven't been back to Bacolod in close to 3 years. Getting married, getting pregnant and having a very sensitive child to motion sickness does that to you. Thank God for Bonamine chewables! I missed my cousins and was looking forward to seeing their new homes and families, too.
Seeing how my mother actually interacted with Dani gave me hope. For some strange reason, Dani finds my mother's jerky ways amusing. Getting my mother to react brings squeals and giggles to fill the room. Maybe Dani hold another key to another new beginning. This little girl has already opened up so many doors that I couldn't do on my own. Its amazing to see how God moves using her. So I'm hopeful and see a light in the horizon. Maybe this time around, in this relationship, it will be better.
My brother and I needed to make this trip. It wasn't just a simple visit. It meant more and we had to make the bigger step. We always had to make the bigger steps but if we didn't, our relationship with our mother would just fizzle.
Remembering what Abuelita used to tell me and how she saw my relationship with my mom. I hold it close to my heart. I'm glad she saw who I was and how much I went through. It was enough.
We will still have our arguments, fights and, again, we will need to take even bigger steps. But that's how life works, right? I also guess that's the price of love.
"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." - James 3:17
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